I'm afraid of death. Not my death. Of the people I love and keep close to my heart.
In 2012 the elder brother of a friend of mine died aged 28. I saw his mother cry and faint. I thought she'd cry to death. I think outliving your children is the greatest pain possible for a human being.
Death is inevitable. Fine, I know it. But couldn't it be of a nature that it came to people only when they have lived their share of life and are content with it. I do not like untimely death. That it cuts someone's life short is so unfair. And the amount of pain the dead's close ones are put through is not fair as well. It's painful to the dead's close ones regardless of his/her age. And when it's untimely the loss is all the more difficult to accept. When losing someone does not align with letting them go the loss can be excruciating.
My mother is a patient of hypertension. Her blood pressure sometimes gets too high and her condition gets so bad that she needs to be admitted in the emergency ward of the nearest hospital. Last year there was such a day and her condition gave me the fright of my biggest fear. She was in a particularly bad condition that day. I remember looking at her lying on the hospital bed and thinking of the worst. I called my best friend and didn't speak a word, only wept. Thankfully, she was fine after a few hours of treatment. I'm aware of how people with hypertension suddenly die of stroke. The elder brother of my friend I mentioned above died of the same thing.
I haven't lost anyone to death yet. There have been deaths of people I knew. But none whose death caused me even a teardrop. In a life what has been I don't know cruel or kind to have given me so many experiences definitely has been kind so far not to have given me the pain of death of a close one.
However, I know I can't escape it. For death is a reality. But what I want is it should not be untimely. Because the people who are close to me mean the world to me. I want them to have a complete life and die only when they are old, warm in a bed, content and satisfied. The fear is not of death but untimely death.
To se mi líbí
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