I was going through the roughest patch of my life. Work? Loaded. Studies? Undone. Heart? Broken. I decided to not invest even a dash of my energy into things I wasn't sure of. Too many wrong steps broke my legs, another, and I am paralyzed for life. My heart-built boulders to throw at things that pricked me, forget walls, who wants to build another effort to just shove it down the drain.
That plan was genuinely working. I was earning and spending on me, bucks on my broken feet, and glittered them in pretty shoes. Masking works wonder. At first, it is uncomfortable, but as time moves by, your face becomes used to the weight. And so does your heart. You have cried so much in your past days that now your eyes don't burn anymore, as your vision becomes clear, you know what you are doing.
Well, I started working out back then. Early mornings, clean eating, determined and calculative. With calculative, I mean towards everything. I calculated how much to talk, how much to reveal and how much to listen. I didn't have the bandwidth for anything uncertain. My past swooned me off my soft corners, and then life just became easy to walk with. No strings attached, no emotions, no heartbreaks.
Another thing I decided was to never fall in love again. Love was a daydream to me, and as night rose through its darkness, even my own shadow left my arm. Cliché? But where is the lie? I can't even count how many nights I have stayed awake begging for mercy from the night to let me shut my eyes. I could hear my heartbeats, pounding out of my bones and jumping on a trampoline with no guard.
This is very common I guess, people fall for people, people hurt people and, people start resisting people. And poor love? Love gets blamed. Love gets hated, love gets misunderstood, love gets abandoned. I was the biggest advocate of it, but little did I know what was coming to me. A slow speck of light, just enough to wake me from slumber, just enough to not blind me. They say what you resist comes running to you at the most uncertain times!